Unlisted: How To Boost Your Confidence- Video Transcript


To view the summarized version, go to https://ashleetate.com/boostyourconfidence/

Hi guys, thanks so much for watching the social life, the place to be for entrepreneurs with a purpose. So today I want to come on and talk to you about something that I’ve heard a lot of you ask me and it’s all about how to be confident when you’re sharing your purpose, when you’re speaking to people, when you’re going into a meeting, when you’re running your board meeting. I think all of this just really applies to anything you’re doing and so this video is really how to be competent doing anything. I’m really excited to kind of share this with you because I think there are a lot of things that I do that I don’t realize I do right before I need to perform or be confident about whatever or going to a meeting or whatever the case. I have 10 tips for you guys today and hopefully you’ll put them all into action and you’ll go out there and be confident and conquer the world and do what you do best, which is being yourself.

Like I say all the time, you guys have probably heard me say this, I don’t even know how many times, but um, you know, it takes courage to be who you really are. And it’s something that you always have to kind of remind yourself that you’re not trying to be anyone else. You’re just trying to be yourself. And it does really take a lot of courage to stand up there and say, I’m just gonna do me and I’m going to be me. And that’s how it’s gonna be. I just love that quote. It like resonates with me so much. So let’s jump into number one. So number one is really all about knowing yourself, knowing who you are, knowing how you like to present to the world and how you want to be seen by the world. No matter what the, um, the judgments are already, doesn’t matter.

It’s how you want to be seen. And so when you project that out, um, it really kind of makes a difference on how people receive you. Martin Luther King had a quote that said, uh, you can debunk all myths by opening your mouth. And I love that quote because it’s so true. Sometimes you know, you see people and they start talking to you and you’re like, Oh man, this is a really awesome person. Or they have a lot of things to say that maybe originally you didn’t think that or they didn’t think that of you. And I, I just have seen that happen so many times, both in my own personal life, my husband friends, I’ve just seen it happen so many times where people are prejudging and then that person opens their mouth and all those judgments are gone. So don’t worry about what preconceived notions people have about you.

You have to know yourself well enough to be able to present the way that you want to be seen. Number two is all about understanding your presence, understanding kind of the vibe that you already put out. Um, you know, we all kind of vibe off of energies and feelings and all of that. And I know I do. And so when I meet people, I’m always kind of like filling out that vibe, seeing how we’re meshing, how we’re feeling around each other. And then I like to put out my own vibe and my vibe is pretty positive. I like to be positive, I like people to get that sense from me. Um, and that goes back to knowing yourself and how you want to be seen. It’s really powerful. I know it sounds very simple but once you make that shift in your mind and you start to kind of carry yourself and present yourself in that way, it really does make a huge difference.

When I like to meet someone, I try to really bump up my energy level, maybe a few more notches than, you know, say my husband gets at home all the time or that my kids get all the time or, or really good friends might get all the time because I want that person to know that you know, they are welcomed and that I’m engaged and I want to hear what they have to say and I’m interested. And it’s really important because when you put that out it really lets other people kind of meet that energy level as well and give that right back to you. So my third tip is positive self talk and they’re not all going to be fluffy and fun like this, but I do think that the, these are some of the core areas that we really have to focus on.

When you are trying to put off the vibe of confidence, that confidence really starts from inside. That doesn’t come from the situation. It doesn’t come from what you’re doing. It doesn’t come from any of that. It really comes from what’s inside in here. And I think more in here than in here. But if in your mind you are already talking negatively to yourself and you’re telling yourself that you can’t do it and you’re telling yourself that it’ll never work out or they’ll never like this idea, um, generally you, you get what you thought and I truly believe that’s because you put that, you put that vibe out, you’re putting out that, that energy. Getting into that mode of positive self talk is something that I think honestly we should be doing daily. But when you are going to do something where you feel like you need to be a little bit more confident and you really have to pull from down in the depth, do be confident.

You just have to give yourself some positive self talk. Like I can do this. I have already done it, I’m doing great, I’m going to do a good job here I am an excellent speaker and really like play on those strengths. Play on what you’re good at. You know, I mean you won’t really be doing something that you’re not good at. At least I would not recommend that you wouldn’t go out to be a speaker if you don’t like crowds or you don’t like to speak out loud or you don’t. Um, you don’t want to, you don’t want to do YouTube or whatever the case because maybe that’s just not your forte, but if you happen to find yourself in a situation where you were asked to do something, you have to do it or if you have to do it for work or whatever it is, it’s great to kind of get into that mode of really positive self talk and really kind of talking yourself up and then going out and executing.

And I do think those top three things that I just gave you are some of the most important pieces of being confident and showing people that you’re confident and I’m really kind of expressing that through your actions and through what you do and how you speak and all of those things. I just really wanted to put that out there because it is, I get that I get asked these questions all the time and so there’s so much more than just one basic answer. So that brings me to number four. So number four is all about envisioning the task already done. And it’s not the same as positive self talk because positive self talk, you’re really kind of talking yourself up to do it. But in your mind when you’re, when you’re getting nervous and your nerves are crazy and you’re getting ready to maybe go speak or you’re going to present your idea or you have to go ask someone at a date or whatever it is, you have to envision it for your mind.

Just like I talk about vision casting and I talk about, um, writing out your vision so that other people understand it and know it. Uh, when you’re working on your purpose, it is the exact same thing. You write out your vision or you say your vision or you think your vision, however you need to get it out. You have to envision the end. And the reason you do that is I honest, I’m not a psychologist, but I think that you’re training your brain to be ready for that. And when you tell your brain that, yes, we’ve already done this, we’ve already spoken on the stage, we’ve already, um, talk to this person, we’ve already spoken to this group. It allows your brain to really kind of help your mind and your body get used to being out there and getting ready and preparing yourself for the end.

And that end in your mind might be a standing ovation. It might be a couple of thank you’s. It might be that you’re going to raise money for your organization or it might be that people are going to love your product and they’re going to email you and whatever it is. So you get to the very end goal and it lets your mind like basically feel like it’s already moved past. What the, what the um, this, the scary piece of it is. So it’s really important I think to make sure you do this in vision process because it allows you to kind of work through all of the things, all of the kinks that might happen on the way to that end goal. Um, it lets you have that feeling of excitement. It ha, it just does so many things, at least for myself. And so it doesn’t take very long.

It just takes maybe, maybe five minutes, two minutes, I don’t know. It takes a short, I’ve been doing it for so long, but like it’s a short period of time and I feel like I do it for every single thing. If I’m meeting someone for lunch, if I’m meeting someone new or anything, um, it’s just really an envisioning process that it just allows your mind to get ready for whatever it is you’re doing and to move past the scary part and get to the end. The end goal, which is what we’re really focusing on, right? All of the rest of that in the middle was a means to an end. Number five. Now this is my favorite and you guys have heard me talk about it many times, um, is to note your appearance. So you have to think about how people are perceiving you.

And I talked about that and the first three. And when I say that I think about how am I being perceived? If I show up in a bun, a messy bun, how am I being perceived if I don’t have on makeup? How am I being perceived if I am not wearing something I really feel good in? Um, and we all have been at these points and it’s going to happen anytime. So just when you’re going to do something that is going to require you to be confident, wear something that makes you feel confident, put your makeup on, do your hair the way you like it. Be ready and be, be ready to present the way that you want to present and the way you want your appearance to present. Sometimes we don’t have that luxury to be ready. Sometimes you just have to do and go in those times.

You just have to envision that you are ready and that you are prepared. And that essentially tells your brain that you’re the same person, whether you have your hair in a topknot or you have it all done and ready to go, whether you have on lipstick or you don’t have all the soak, and these are things that are important to me and so these are the things I have to work past when I’m not in those, when I’m not in that appearance to show up and I still have to show up confidently. That’s how I talk myself through that. I say, okay, you know what? While I’m here, I’m, this isn’t my normal but I’m here and I’m doing whatever it is. And I envisioned that same goal as as what I do and this is truly my process of what I do to feel confident on most days, most anything that I do when I show up to do YouTube, when I go to talk about my purpose, when I do any of those things.

Number six. Now number six. You guys have probably heard a million times, but it’s worth saying again, be prepared. If I’m prepared, I feel 10 times more confident than when I’m not. That’s not to say that something might slip through the cracks and you might forget something or it didn’t turn out as perfect as you wanted or whatever. But when you have gone through some sort of dry run or you understand a little bit more about what it takes to get to your end goal and you have the paperwork you needed, you did the reading you needed to do and you just feel like, okay, I know what I’m doing. I’m confident. I know what is happening here. That preparation is so important. And for many of us, we’re running board meetings and we are speaking about our purpose to different places. Um, you just want to do, just do a quick little check to make sure you’ve got everything you need.

Make sure you read all the materials, make sure you had everything printed, whatever it is that you needed to have because those things are so important. I did not realize how important they were. I mean until I was much older because I used to kind of be a fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl and sometimes I still fall back into that, but I’m telling you when I’m going to be the most confident and I know that I’ve got my stuff together, I am prepared and that it is the absolute best thing you could possibly do for yourself in combination with the other mindset shifts and all of that. But being prepared is huge. So focus on that number seven. So before you have to go do anything, maybe even before you do the mindset stuff, all of that you want to get into a good state.

I don’t want to call it as in state, I don’t really care what state it is. Sometimes you need to be hyped up just to give the energy. Sometimes you need to be like mellowed out because you need to have thought through things or whatever the case. So whatever that is that you feel like you need. If your body has like kind of a frenetic energy going on where it’s kinda like off you’re a little off. I think that having um, just some time to take like do some breathing exercises or to stretch or to exercise if that’s something that you have time to do before your, um, before you’re doing whatever it is that you need to do to be confident. Um, that would be awesome. I find that if I exercise that morning, I eat, I drink my smoothie, I do my vitamins, I do everything I like to do in the morning.

I go through that routine. And if you guys didn’t hear me talk about the daily docket in my, um, managing at all in my a Friday on Instagram live, um, that was one of the things I talked about. Just kind of having that daily docket. So I can always go back to say, here’s what I have to do every morning to feel like I’m starting the day in a productive manner and I’ve done everything I need to do so my mind can be clear and ready to rock. One of the things that is also helpful is if you have like a very positive friend or you have someone who kind of pumps you up every time they talk to you, talk to them, call them up, talk to them, tell them what you’re about to do, let them be your little cheerleader, feel good about that. And then go and do your talk.

Like get some pointers really quick or whatever. Um, and it just feels really good. Your, your whole mindset, your energy, your, um, all of that is just like very upbeat. It changes everything. And so if you know, Hey, I’m going to go do this talk, I’m going to go do this, whatever, and I just need a little confidence boost. Call up somebody, go take a walk, take a breath, I don’t know, stretch, whatever it is that makes you feel best, go do that first. Be prepared, get into the mindset of whatever you’re about to do. And all of these things together really do produce, um, true confidence and clarity when you show up. So number eight is all about taking review after like an event or after. I have to speak to someone or I have to go do a talk on my nonprofit or whatever it is.

Really taking that review of how you felt after, what went wrong beforehand. If you were a little off, why did you feel that way? I mean it could be something as simple as sometimes I’ll sit down to record and I won’t have my energy level as high and sometimes it can be because I didn’t have the air conditioner on as high as I’d like or I had it on too high because I was too cold. Um, or sometimes I will have spoken to someone in the morning and it just drained my energy. Like there are so many things that affect us and we don’t even realize sometimes that we have to create that atmosphere and environment for us to and to be confident. Sometimes it doesn’t have anything really to do with you or your mindset. Maybe you’re normally a happy person, but say you spoke to someone and you had a family issue going on right before you had to go on stage or right before you had to meet up with someone and your energy is drained.

And I’ve seen that with myself so many times and I don’t like the feeling. So now, sometimes when I know I have to show up somewhere, I’ll say, I cannot talk to anyone on the phone. I’m just, you know, I don’t count on me this morning. Whatever it is. Um, and those things really make a marked improvement. So just think about the things that do bring your energy down or they drain you a little bit or they get you out of that mindset of like, yes, I can do this. I’m fierce, I’m strong. I can, I can accomplish these things. Get yourself in that mindset and it anything else that’s going to affect that, let it go. That brings me to number nine. Number nine is get rid of the toxic things in your life. Toxic people, toxic, whatever they are. Get all of those things out of your life.

If you can, sometimes you can’t. But if you can avoid them on the days that you have something that you need to do, where you really need that confidence to be high, then try to avoid them on those days so that your mind can be free and your mindset can be, you know, shifted and ready for growth and ready to just show up confident. Okay. So those things are really important. So the last thing I want to leave you with for number 10 is to remember that just because you watched this video or just because you try it a couple of times, does not mean that you’re going to be competent every single time. We all have, you know, issues and things that we have to work through or whatever. This is like this is a work in progress, right? This is something that you should be attempting to do.

And honestly, I think that all of these things apply to your daily life. Showing up confident for lots of different things for your children, for your husband or your wife, for your friends. Just being a a hundred percent present even is huge. Right? Um, and having that ability to do that is sometimes extremely hard. So I don’t want you to beat yourself up. I want you to just do kind of daily checkins with yourself. This is why I love journaling so much. Um, daily check ins with yourself just to see how do they feel today. What was it that turned me off today like that, that shifted my energy. Who did I speak to that shifted my energy? What were they talking about? Why did that bother me so much? There are so many things that sometimes we just take on and we don’t realize cause we’re just kinda going through the motions of life.

Um, but yeah, remember that your work in progress, daily check-ins, this is something that is really good to do. Even if it’s just like a quick little scribble on something or on your phone or whatever. Just to kind of reset yourself and remember that, you know, this is something that you, you may not get the first time around, but all of these tips combined, I feel like something that allows you to show up 100% fully you and remember, practice makes perfect. So don’t worry about, you know, the first couple of times. And the last thing I actually wanted to say on anything where you’re speaking, nobody knows what you’re going to say before you say it before it comes out of your mouth. Nobody knows. So if you miss something on your speech or you didn’t say something or you forgot to add something, no one knows except you just enjoy your, enjoy the moment, be yourself, show up as yourself, be authentic, be genuine.

People love that more than anything else. So anyway, I hope that helped. Sorry this video is so long, but I really did want to get those 10 tips out to you guys. Um, so that you can go out there and share your purpose competently and do anything else that you need to do out there that requires confidence, which I think is a daily requirement. Um, so I’d love to hear your comments in the discussion box down below because I want to hear if you have any other tips on how to be confident and what you do to be confident. Sometimes we will have like some really interesting things that they do that help them, um, keep that energy level up and present with confidence. So I’d love to hear it down below. And if you’d like to watch more videos just like this, go to Ashleetate.com. Thank you so much for watching. I hope to see you guys in the social life tribe and if you’d like your invitation to that to reach out to hundreds of other social entrepreneurs, um, go to Ashleetate.com and get your invitation there and I will see you soon. Bye guys.

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